The Love Triangle
by Cathan Cirfia
Summary: Jareth feels he needs an heir and he enlists Sarah for the job. But Hoggle wants the job aswell and is determined to get it. J/H and J/S
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: We do not own any part of the Labyrinth especially not what's under those extremely tight pants of Jareths, though Cathan is extremely upset by this fact.  
  
A/N: We are seriously trying to make this funny but Cathan prefers a Dark evil Jareth and can only write an evil Jareth, also she has the humour of a frog and Cirfia's humour is not of this Universe so not many would understand a thing we wrote. You see we are trying but it ain't workin'. So you shall be stuck with what ever comes out. By the way if you read and do not review this story you shall suffer from "a severe accident" due from a visit from the evil Cathan the All Knowing Weird and Crazy One.  
  
The Love Triangle Chpt. 1 Jareth woke to the sound of his large oak carved door creaking over to a close. He looked to his right at his large 13 hour titanium based clock to see that it was just sunrise, 5a.m., then to his left to see if Hoggle had already gone. And as usual he'd already fecked off.  
  
*Why do I always allow that stupid little Fuck into my bed? I just can't understand why, after I tell myself No all day I just can't help myself. I wish I could control these bloody urges*  
  
It used to only be once a month, then once a week and now he was lucky if he got the bed to himself just once a week. It had begun that most awful night when he woke to that terrible revelation. He'd been the Goblin King for over 3 and ½ thousand years And he'd not wed one woman or borne one child; reality gave him a good kick in the butt and told him "Hey Jareth, your whole damn fucking life has been a complete and utter waste. The best thing about your life so far is that you're King of a bunch of useless dumb ass Goblins" Jareth was having a mid- life crisis. After he had stopped totally freaking out he came up with a solution that he believed would solve all his problems, he was going to look for an heir. Little did he realise that this decision would only increase his problems further. He'd told Hoggle, who was now his royal scribe, his fantabulous idea.  
  
So far though Jareth had done sweet fuck all to find an heir, he decided that it was finally time to put his plan into action and stop screwing around with dwarfs.  
  
'Oggard!!' he cried with an ear splitting shriek as he threw off his covers and leapt out of beddybies.  
  
'Yes my oh sexy god like Jareth' he said as he immediately came rushing into the room carrying his scribes equipment.  
  
'Take this down! For an heir I need someone who is, let me think…em…? Intelligent!! Beautiful.'  
  
'Beautiful, oh sexy one??'  
  
'Yes, beautiful damn it!!' he said harshly. 'Just like me' he said more to himself than to Hoggle but apparently the dwarf wasn't as deaf as he sometimes let on.  
  
'Oh of course, my most beautiful one,' he said with a sneer to Jareths butt as he always got a creak in his neck if he stared at his face too long.  
  
'Also they should be cunning and determined. Who fits that criterion? Well there's Lucas, my stepsisters son, but he's dumber than even you Hogghead."  
  
"Yes he is indeed, ehem, oh great one,"  
  
"Hmmm, who else do we know that would be suitable?" he pondered. "Well Higgle?!!" he demanded  
  
"Well your greatness, I am indeed as dumb as your stepsister's son, I wouldn't even take my own advice if I was you. Your intelligence is far superior to mine, your sexiness"  
  
"Yes, I know that already fool! What do you take me for?"  
  
"A most intelligent and hot king"  
  
"Yes alright. Hmmm, since your brain is the size of a peanut and I seem to be lost for ideas at the moment, I'm going to go take a nap on my throne. All that rowdiness last night has left me slightly exhausted."  
  
He strolled over to his extremely large walk in wardrobe the size of a basketball court and threw the doors open. He was dressed in just under two hours, which was a record for him, his white poets shirt and extremely tight pants that leave nothing to the imagination and his knee high black leather boots. He headed out the open door and strolled towards his throne room. He thought he heard something and turned around only to trip over a small dwarf.  
  
"Hoggle!!! Feck off!!"  
  
The small dwarf did a runner and disappeared behind the corner. Jareth then continued his walk to the throne, flopped down and soon drifted off into slumber.  
  
(Dream) Jareth couldn't see a thing, same as before; all he knew was that he was surrounded by his subjects who were engaged in sexual intercourse with him.  
  
'Hey I've had this dream before' was all that was going through his mind.  
  
Suddenly light burst into the room as if a door had been opened and for the first time in this dream Jareth saw something that wasn't one of his subjects.  
  
It was Sarah.  
  
'Care to join us Sarah?'  
  
'Thanks but no thanks Jareth. Can't even figure this one out?'  
  
'Huh?'  
  
And then the penny dropped.  
  
Jareths eyes flew open; he leapt out of the throne and disappeared in a wave of glitter and a small popping noise.  
  
A/N: Yes we know this is perverted but you must know this is only our alter egos coming out we are mostly normal, as far as that goes for two weirdoes. By the way YOU MUST REVIEW!!!! 


	2. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Only Cathan own Jareth as her own personal sex slave (in her own little mind) and we do not own any of the Labyrinth except for our own original characters: feeblo, sleezo and tweeblo.  
  
(For some reason Cathan is now threatening me with a butcher knife)  
  
A/N: Hey we're back again! We were only going to do one chapter as a joke but since we got soooooooooooooooooooooo many reviews. ehem, we decided to continue just for you three special people. We just hope that we havn't scarred you for life with our lovely images of Hoggle and Jareth (well actually Cathan secretely hopes that you are in her evil little (very little) mind). I Cirfia, send my hippie peace and love to you! ^_^  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Jareth appeared in bright pink room just milimetres from Sarah's bed where she was sleeping soundly after a long night on the booze with the evidence (about 40 billion beer cans) on her bedside locker. "Sarah!" Jareth said with a shrill cry. It had no effect though as she just lay there as if in a coma. He tried again but to no avail. "Fine! I'll just have to drag you there myself!" He grabbed her by the waistband of her p.j boxer shorts and with another pop and a load of pink glitter he dissapeared.  
  
"Hey normally the glitters green!!" he said with a pissed off tone.  
  
He looked around the castle and saw that everything had turned pink from the floors to the ceiling. He looked out the window and saw that the entire Labyrinth had turned a bright pink and Sarah was still in her coma like state.  
  
"Feeblo, Sleezo and Tweeblo get your F********king asses down here now" he screeched like a barn owl (A/N : he sounds like this due to him being an owl for parts of the movie.clever ay?)  
  
The 3 little elder goblins came waddling in. "You screeched your excellency,' said Sleezo in his high pitched voice.  
  
"Yes Fleezo now tell me why the F**k my kingdom is entirely F**king pink?"  
  
"Because you were a fool and took a mortal against there will and also her room was pink I believe and pink is one of the most powerful and evil colors in all existence and so you know weird things tend to happen when its around."  
  
"Fine now how to I fix it you stupid, pathetic little, whinny."  
  
"The only way is to make her a citizen of the Labyrinth."  
  
"Fine a citizen now get your disguisting pathetic little asses out of my sight before I drop you into the bog of eternal stench."  
  
"Yes your royal stick up the ass," Tweeblo muttered.  
  
Jareth heard and sent a bolt of shiny pink lightning up all there asses.  
  
Jareth summoned a large leather book and flipped to the near end and with a large pink peacock quill he signed Sarah's name to the list of over a million other goblins and other beasts which inhabited the Labyrinth. Slowly the pink started to melt off the walls and vanish into thin air.  
  
"Yahooo!!" He yelled and started to do the funky chicken dance and all the goblins began to join in. The noise was deafening and it managed to bring Sarah out of her coma like state and did nothing to help her over whelming hangover of a headache.  
  
"What the Hell is going on?" she yelped.  
  
'The writers of this fiction are currently losing there minds and don't know how to continue this fic. They are easily bored."  
  
A/N: Ok so we lost plott big F**king deal ( Cirfia told me to tell you that it is I, Cathan, who insists on all the cursing and told me to apologize but I told her to F**k off. I never apologize for cursing as it is just me) Hope you enjoyed this insight to our twisted alter ego minds. By the way review or die and try to minimise the flames or else you'll end up in an inferno. Also we'll try to get back on plott for next time. 


	3. Default chapter

Disclaimer: WE DON'T OWN LABYRINTH *coughs, shouting hurts Cirfias throat* We do own this plott though so don't even think of stealing it.  
  
Cathan: Hey all were back with another sick twisted chapter for you and I would like to say THANK YOU ^_^ we love you all, well Cirfia loves you all I only love my cat who I'm convinced is an old soul from ancient Eygpt.  
  
Cirfia: Yo!!!!!! Yes I loves yous very much.  
  
Cathan: Of course she loves you all shes a hippie whos high 24/7  
  
Cirfia: I have never gotten high, EVER!  
  
Cathan: Liar Liar  
  
Cirfia: Okay wheres this going?? You're the one that's high, RIGHT NOW. But anyway.  
  
Cathan: And your point is?  
  
Cirfia: Yes Cathan, you just sit there and be high- I'll write the story!!  
  
Cathan: I'd like to see you do that!!  
  
Cirfia: Ehem,  
  
Chapter 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Sarah stared in disbelief at the goblin king doing the Funky chicken.  
  
"What the hell????!" she shouted.  
  
"Oh sorry, Sarah did we wake you from your drunken slumber?" he asked her in a sarcastic tone, "I just felt like a bit of a dance! But i'm done now, anyway, so where was I??"  
  
" Tell me why I'm here you royal pain in the ass, NOW!!"  
  
"Well Sarah I've chosen you to become my heir as I have no offspring to take over after me, understand?"  
  
"What you mother F**ker I'm not gonna be your f**king heir. You can't keep me. I'll say the words."  
  
" Say them all you want it won't work. Your now a citizen of the Labyrinth which meens you have little choice but to obey me as your words have no power over me. Mwahahahahaha." He then started doing the Funky Chicken dance all over the throne. In his happiness he didn't notice the hole in the middle of the throne room and fell head first into it.  
  
He found himself being transported into another dimension. He closed his eyes on impact and when he opened them he saw to freaky girls sitting in front of a strange object he knew to be called a computer though he understood nothing about it. They were bothing laughing, one cackling while the other did his favourite laugh Mwahahahahaha. The girls looked at him and started whispering to each other. The cackling then rose from her chair, picked up a large baseball bat out of no where and started charging him with it. Jareth disappeared as quick as he could but not before the crazy cackling one got a swing at him square in the head.  
  
(A/N: *in ordinary dimension* Told you Cathan was high)  
  
"Hmmmm, that was a bit weird" he muttered as he slapped a piece of t-bone steak across his face (A/N: Well, according to Cathan "they don't have frozen peas in the Labyrinth") and only caused the bruise to worsen.  
  
"Anywasy, Sarah where was I??"  
  
"We were discussing why I'm not staying here!!!" she screached.  
  
"Oh yes, that. We discussed this before and you have little choice but to stay here, so tough coooookie, shut up and move on to a new subect!"  
  
"Okay, how about stamp collecting, that's a nice subject."  
  
"I said something interesting Sarah!!"  
  
"Are you saying that i'm boring you Mother F***************cker, ass hole, gobsh*te, I bla bla bla balalalabbababa!" ( Jareth has zoned out at this stage.)  
  
"Of course not Sarah its just that I've been collecting for over athousand years and its become quite dull now."  
  
'Alright if we don't talk about stamps then I wanna go home now you Mother F**KER." (a/n: it just gets worse from here so you don't wanna hear it)  
  
Jareth was sick of listening to her so he clapped his hands and five waist high guards came in.  
  
"Take her to her room immediately."  
  
Sarah chose not to go quitly and was dragged kicking and screaming all the way to her room. Luckily the doors were sound proof so once she was locked in he could no longer hear her insults.  
  
To rejoice in this fact he started to do the Funky chicken dance again. The 2 girls from the hole climbed and started to join in though about 5 seconds later the cackling one seemed to have found another baseball bat and started chasing him with it again.  
  
A/N: Okay so how'd you like that. We've currently lost the plott but if you'd like to see anything weird or funny or if you wanna be in it then review or email either of us, aifric_the_freakiest@yahoo.co.uk or cathan@teenagewildlife.com By the way review or I'll make Cirfia high and when shes high she acts like a suger high Mokuba, you'll only get this if you're a Yu-Gi-Oh fan. Try to avoid the flames please.  
  
Cirfia: I have no idea who a sugar high Mokuba is and I do not watch Yu-Gi- Oh as I'm not a nerdlinger though I do watch Voyager. 


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